Monday, 19 September 2005

Das bugs

OK it’s Monday morning and there is Friday, Saturday and Sunday to talk about. Cleverly I took a diary with me and took lots of notes on Friday and Saturday so I would have lots to talk about today. My diary is currently in the back of a Renault Laguna, I would go and get it but the central locking is broken so it can’t be got at. Also in the back of the car are most of the clothes that I need for work today.

Right now the thing I want most in the world is to have a few extra hands to itch with. That’s the problem when you have been bitten all over, it’s not possible to scratch everywhere at once. I am sitting here trying to develop a Zen like state of being wherein the fact that I itch all over is matter of no concern for someone as spiritually advanced as myself. Unfortunately all I manage to do is sit still with a slightly more glazed expression than usual on my face for a couple of seconds before the urge to scratch becomes overwhelming. The best bit about being covered in bites is that this will provide me with an interesting little diversion to my work tomorrow. Tomorrow I will be part of the public face of my company, tomorrow I will be stood in front of about 100 to 200 people on a stage for about four hours. Best suit and professional demeanour is the order of the day. Some how I will have to muster up an image that is not one of a hedge dwelling buffoon scratching like a skag head on day two of cold turkey. The problem is that I am only capable of some much concentration at anyone time, all of that concentration will be used up on doing my job and thus I could well end up scratching away without noticing. The other option is to concentrate on not scratching but the problems with this is that I would be using up valuable brain power that is needed to be doing my actual job. I wonder if rubbing vodka into the bites would alleviate the itching?

5 comments:

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SameOld said...

ODM, try witch hazel on the bites... failing that, get wildy drunk

ODM (Original Ditch Monkey) said...

Witch Hazel fine idea. Now to find some.

Thank you

lardbloke said...

Top site my friend...

All of us on BCUK are reading it with avid interest everyday.

I would suggest "justClick bite relief" (fire it into google), to ease the itching of bites. It really does work and calms those nice welts down to a managable size as well.

Keep it up...........