Monday, 26 September 2005


It was like that moment in 2001 where the hairy dude sees the big black monolith, picks up a stone and thus the development of tools begins. In my case the conduit towards my evolutionary development was less mystical shiny rock with accompanying orchestral sound track and more a nice cup of Jackson’s of Piccadilly green tea with mint, all of a sudden huge developments in the comfort of me where occurring.

It didn’t start off so well though. When we left off on Friday I was heading back to the woods to rescue my sleeping bag that was locked securely to a tree in a wire mesh thief proof bag, the key having been mislaid some days previously. The theory was that I would smash the padlock with two bits of granite that I had left near the sleeping bag for just such an eventuality. What I had neglected to mention was that granite is not naturally found in the area where I stay; having hidden the sleeping bag behind lots of branches it stuck me that two lumps of granite would stick out like a sore thumb and, not wanting to alert any keen eyed thieves to the presence of my sleeping bag I covered the granite with leaves and branches also. Now it’s easy enough to find a sleeping bag when you know which tree it is locked too, a sleeping bag is a big thing. Lumps of granite that have been left on the floor and covered with leaves are somewhat harder to discover, especially if it is dark and your torch is attached to the key whose loss is the very reason why it is necessary to scrabble around on hands and knees in the dark. Eventually I hit on the bright idea of burning bits of paper from my pockets and searching in the light that threw off, I cunningly but narrowly avoided burning a cheque for £38 but was less fortunate when it came to avoiding burning myself. Eventually I tired of this game and decided to see if it was possible to pull the sleeping bag out through one of the gaps in the wire mesh bag, hugely unlikely but it was a cold night and I was getting a bit fed up of sleeping out night after night without it. I pulled away the branches and then started to manoeuvre the sleeping bag within the wire mesh bag to a position from which it may be possible to remove it from its jail. After a few minutes of this there was a thud as something heavy hit the ground, it was a clear night and my night vision had developed sufficiently to see there on the ground the unmistakable shape of a padlock, clasp un-fastened, lying on the ground. Further investigation revealed that this was indeed the padlock that I had assumed had been preventing me from getting to my sleeping bag.

Things where looking up, I looked up and saw it was a clear night. The stars where out gleaming against the deep blue of the night’s sky, without cloud cover it would be a cold night but I had a sleeping bag now so it didn’t matter. After the past few nights having a sleeping bag to sit one was luxury, I cooked up some fresh pasta, mixed in some organic pesto and some Covent Garden tomato and crème fresh soup, settled into the warmth of the sleeping bag and felt myself to be pampered beyond belief. After the pasta, and then eating the rest of the soup that I discovered the packet of green tea with mint, I used to drink nothing but green tea but of late had been drinking PG, the discovery boosted my already chipper mood even further. Within half a cup a thought started to formulate within my mind. It was dark, everything I was doing I was doing in the dark. I had a candle. My the time the tea was finished I had cut the candle in half which instead of destroying the candle left me with two candles (warning this does not work with light bulbs) and there I was bathed in light sitting next to two lump of granite.


The ScraggMeister said...

What news on Bruce?????

SwissToni said...

so, if I'm getting this right, you hadn't actually locked the padlock?

Nice work.