Tuesday, 31 January 2006

Happy Holidays

One of the things that I like about life is the way that the solutions to problems are right there in front of you. Often the thing to do is to just let events take their natural course and things will turn out for the best.

Allow me to share an example if you will be so kind. Whilst on holiday last week I went walking in the hills with a friend of mine and it was very cold, occasionally we would pass a pool of water that had frozen so solid that we were, with some trepidation, able to skate around on them until such time as the sharp cracking noises sent us scooting to the edge. The ground was frozen solid, icicles hung, snow fell, faces went red and fingers went numb. In fact it was so cold that along the edge of a shallow yet fast flowing river we had to cross had formed a layer of ice that extended out into the flow a good six inches. There were two ways to cross the river, wade through it or, jump nimbly from rock to rock. I chose the later, the idea of sinking up to my knees in ice cold water was not high on my agenda of holiday experiences to cherish and remember. Normally I’m quite good at jumping nimbly, I wouldn’t say if nimble jumping was an Olympic sport (and there is good argument for it becoming so) that I would represent the UK but I’m confident I would put in a good showing at a county level. I stepped up to the starting point, a big wet rock jutting out into the river, ready to impress all and sundry, my mate and a sheep, with my mountain goat like style and √©lan when both feet shot out from under me. I’m sure there must have been a look of considerable surprise as my ankles suddenly appeared in front of my eyes; the look of surprise would have been sadly short lived as the very next moment I found myself sitting on the rock that I had previously been standing. Normally I’m quite a fan of sitting, when I was a student it was pretty much all I did and I’m prepared to say that I’m really quite keen on sitting especially if it is accompanied with a nice cup of tea. This sitting down, however, was far from pleasant, it happened at such speed and force that it quite took my breath away! I sat there opening and shutting my mouth like a goldfish, silently that is. Any rumours maliciously spread by my acquaintance that I screamed like a girl should be ignored as no more than slander.

So there I am sitting on the wet rock in no small amount of pain gasping for breath at the shock of it all and it is at this point that I would like to remind you of the point that all this whittering is set up to prove, viz; that letting things take their natural course is the best thing to do. I could at that point of got up but instead I chose to stay where I was; sat on the wet rock. Only the rock wasn’t wet, it looked wet sure enough, but from close up I realised it was actually covered in ice, it wasn’t so much that I could see the ice but more that I could tell by the way I was sliding into the river. The best thing to do with bruises and swellings is to apply ice so sitting in the river at this junction was a sensible thing to do although I have to admit that this was due to an inability to move rather than by design. Left to my own devices I would have happily stayed sitting up to my waist in the rapidly flowing water for quite some time but I was rudely removed by being hauled to the bank by a well meaning friend. The rest of the day was spent limping about trying to pretend that it didn’t hurt.

The thing with bruises is that you really need to look at them, the bigger and blacker they are the more impressive they are and so the bigger stories that can be told about how they where acquired. The problem was that I could not see my bruise and I didn’t have a mirror with me so was unable to start bragging as I didn’t know what level of brag would be appropriate to match the injury. There are something that you really don’t want to be caught doing in the bathroom at a service station, standing ther with your trousers half down checking the results in the mirror is one of them.

1 comment:

Sarah of Sheffield said...

wow! sounds great, despite the pain, i hope you're bruise is as impressive as you hoped. I myself am sporting a rather fetching purple-with-black-dots-and-yellow-fringing number, measuring at least 5.2 on the bruising scale and the result of some rather up close and personal contact with some deceptively hard snow.

Thanks for a funny blog, i laughed out loud a few times. Just what I needed.